You know how on TV and in movies people always go on these crazy dates and you laugh because they’re hilarious but you think they don’t actually happen in real life? They do. They happen to me. So often that when I tell my friends about a “date,” they laugh and say “hey, at least it makes a good story.” They’re right; my dating escapades are fodder for comedy … and they’re a big part of why I became a stand-up comic. But…over the years I’ve started to wonder why dating is so hard, not just because I live in Los Angeles (which I will get to) but overall guys seem to want to be be in a relationship as much as girls. They are horrible at being alone.
But it also seems that their relationship motivation is sex whereas as for girls it’s an emotional connection. We all want both in the end, we just have different ways of going about it. So if a guy’s first motivation is sex then why are they so bad at trying to get laid? Do they know they are bad? Do they have any idea the things they are doing that immediately make us think, “No way, no day!” So I’ve decided that right here, I’m going to share my dating experiences, hoping that my mishaps will help bridge the gap and give guys a heads up as to why they are not getting laid.
You might be wondering,
“Who is this girl and why is she an expert?”
I am not.
“How about now?”
What I am is single and a dater. Not to brag, but I’ve been single my whole life. I’m not bitter, not cynical, not even “I love me for me in the hopes that one day that will be enough to get a guy” single (I feel that was the ultimate lesson in Sex and The City – to be happy with yourself and not care about the guys, so you can end up with a guy. et tu SJP?) I’m just not a relationshipy kind of person. I never have been…yes it freaks me out sometimes that I will die alone, but I’m also really good at flying solo. If there is a gene for singledom I’ve got it. The point is, I do a lot of dating, have been for awhile and I have tons of first dates based on my single gene. I’ve slept with guys on the first date and dated guys for years without taking the plunge. So that’s where my 100% non-expert perspective is coming from. I’m just a girl with an opinion, but if I can help at least one guy not fist pump at a concert while on a date I’ll feel I’ve done my job.